Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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