If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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