Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
