I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
