Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
