He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
