i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize