i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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