the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
