Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
