I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
