She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
