it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
