sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
