if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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