My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
