The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
