whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
