Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
