i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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