I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
