That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize