My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
