I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
