if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
