We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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