You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i now understand why vodka
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
