I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
