I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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