She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
