In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
