dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
