i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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