I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
