ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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