You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
