its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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