I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
