Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
