she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
