if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
