remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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