I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize