Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize