The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
