do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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