you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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