yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
