summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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