at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
