grandma shit on top of the toilet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
