apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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