No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
