she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need water and some morals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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