He is an equal opportunity slut.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
