Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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