Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
