Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
