I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
