Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
