So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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