Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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