I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
