TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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