when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
