you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
