She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
