moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
