I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My dick has a subreddit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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