I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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