Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
