You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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