If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
