i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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