Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
