yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
